


Out of the Dark

by Tokig



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:42:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tokig/pseuds/Tokig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tried to calm himself down, to breathe again and to prevent himself from acting like a human being. He had to act like a cop, although if he was young and still unexperienced.</p>
<p>When Rick meets him the first time, Daryl is a boy of eight years. A boy, who was abused by a group of people, who systematically kidnapped and hurt children. </p>
<p>When Rick meets him again after 10 years, Daryl is hurt again.<br/>But this time, he will do anything to help him heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the tags! TW for child abuse and sexual abuse. Don't read the story, if this might hurt you. It won't be too graphic, but it will be mentioned from time to time and maybe there will be some flashbacks. So take care of yourself!

**The Past**

 

He tried to calm himself down, to breathe again and to prevent himself from acting like a human being. He had to act like a cop, although if he was young and still unexperienced. Rick Grimes had never thought, he might be able to commit a murder, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore. Moving through the cold hall with all its cages on both sides was worse when he realized, that not all of those cages were empty.

After the whole former industrial building had been checked and the suspects arrested, the paramedics entered it. They made their way to the unlocked cells, in which even a child couldn’t stand uprightly. Rick didn’t see every child, they took care of, because there were just too many. But he would never forget the little boy, who eyed him and T, the ambulance man he had to follow, warily through bloody strands from the corner of his cage.

“Hey, little man. Are you okay?”

Of course, it was a dumb question, but Rick wouldn’t have thought of a better way to start the talk than T actually did. When the boy didn’t answer, T laid down a blanket in front of him and shoved it carefully in the direction of the boy: “Take it, buddy, it’s all right.”

The boy hesitated, biting on his bottom lip and then he grabbed it in the blink of an eye. When Jenner, the director of operations, appeared behind Rick and T, the police officer knew immediately, that they hadn’t much more time, to get the kid out of his pretended shelter in a good way. So he tried to speak to the boy: “Hey. My name is Rick. Can you tell me yours, please.”

Long moments passed, until there was a cough and a strange little sound, too quiet to understand anything, if it had been a word at all. 

“Sorry, I didn’t get that. Can you tell me again?”

The boy cleared his throat and whispered: “Daryl. Name ‘s Daryl.”

“Okay Daryl. I don’t like this place. Would you like to come outside with me?”

“Outside?”

“Yes. If we hurry, we might see the sun, before it goes down. Would you like that?”

When he saw Daryl’s eyes filling with tears, he cursed himself for being too pushy, but to his surprise, the boy nodded, while he wiped his face with his bare arm. Thankfully T and Jenner were thoughtful enough to draw back quietly. When it was only him and Daryl, the boy crawled to the open cage door, where Rick waited patiently. He didn’t want to scare the boy through a sudden movement, but suppressing his need to help the clearly hurt boy was hard. Especially since the closer Daryl came, the more injuries were there to see. His face and upper body were bruised badly, but the dried blood on his thighs made Rick gasp. He was mad, so unbelievable mad. When he sensed Daryl’s unease due to his reaction, he quickly tried to gain control about his mood. He forced himself to smile and nodded encouragingly to the boy. “It’s gonna be alright, Daryl.”

Rick stayed put, until the boy left the cell and tried to stand on unsteady feet. He didn’t fall, but he was obviously in pain.

“Want me to help you, Daryl?”

He shook his head and bit his lip again.

“Okay. Then come with me. If you need to rest, just tell me and I’ll wait for you.”

With a small nod he followed Rick through the hall. At one of the cells, he stopped. The policeman knew, they hadn’t found anyone in it, but someone had been there once. Before he could shut himself down, he asked: “Who was in there, Daryl?”

And again, the boy surprised him. “Beth. She was a friend. The only one I ever had.”

Rick wanted to break something. Beth! It must have been Beth Greene. The girl was the reason, why they finally digged deep enough to find that awful building and the perverts, who had run it. Since she didn’t come home from school one Wednesday, her father Hershel called in every following day to make sure, someone was trying to find his daughter.

“Do you know, where she is now?”

“She’s dead. They killed her.”

“Daryl, this is important. Are you sure?”

Now the boy turned his head and looked Rick in the eye. “Yeah. They killed her in the hall and everyone had to watch.”


	2. Chapter 2

**The Present**

 

The call comes at 05:00. Rick hasn’t even slept for two hours when his cell phone rings, but as the caller ID tells him it’s Hershel, he feels instantly awake.

“What happened?”

“Rick, I need you here.”

His first thought is that Hershel drank again or is on the verge of drinking. It would be such a shame after four years of abstinence, but Rick knows how addiction works.

“Rick?”

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s wrong?”

“I guess it’s easier, if you see that for yourself. I wouldn’t wake you on your first day off, if it wasn’t important. Take the first-aid-kit with you and please stop worrying. I am fine, but somebody here is not, so I need your help.”

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

 

Rick still worries, when he arrives that old, abandoned looking farm. He had seen the man falling too deep and too many times. After losing Beth, Hershel hadn’t had the power to even try to go on. With the depression his daily use of alcohol began. His wife, daughter and son tried to help him out despite their own grief. But someday, it was too much for them. They had to let him go, if they ever wanted to cope with their loss. However, Hershel being on his own had almost killed the old veterinarian. In fact, the alcohol had almost killed him. Rick just found him in time. He was at his usual weekly visit, that he did more due to his bad conscience than because he liked seeing that desperate man destroying himself, when he saved said man. Then he happened to drive Hershel to his first AA meeting and after a while a deep friendship developed between them. 

Hershel is already waiting on the porch with wind twirling his long, white hair and beard, and greets him with an unbelievable sad smile. So Rick hops out of the car, takes his first-aid-kit with him and hopes, he’ll find out, what he’s supposed to do here at 5:30 on his first day of vacation.

“Thank you for coming, Rick. You’ll see what it’s all about right now.”

 The long bearded man gesticulates him to follow to the barn at the edge of his property and they walk silently. Hershel opens the door and nods at a motionless figure in the right corner, which Rick might have missed otherwise. Immediately he is rushing forwards, not sure if he needs to safe Hershel or that stranger. He hears his friend chuckle behind him, as he slowly follows and kneels next to him.

“I found him this morning. I couldn’t sleep and the sun already shone, so I thought I might have a look at the barn. You know, since I want to reanimate the farm, I started with the least promising building. Anyway, he laid there and I checked his vitals. He was beaten to a pulp, but his pulse and respiration are strong and nothing is broken, so I didn’t call an ambulance.”

Rick starts to examine the man, who’s maybe more a boy. All the blood, the bruises and way too long, uncombed hair makes it difficult to estimate his age.

“So why did you call me?”

“Look at his shirt.”

And he does. The stranger wears the shirt like a jacket with a worn piece of fabric underneath. When Rick realizes, what he is seeing, he almost falls on his butt in surprise. The shirt is a part of a police uniform. The police uniform, he used to wear at the beginning of his carrier as police officer. Its nametag is barely to recognize, but Rick knows already which letters he might find. Because it is exactly the part of his uniform he gave a scared kid that tried to be too brave for its own good. Daryl told Rick as much as he knew about the men and women who had held and violated him and the other children. Since he was cold despite the blanket T had given to him, Rick handed his way to big shirt, which the boy instantly wrapped around his small shoulders. They were waiting for Michonne, an old friend of Rick, who worked for Child Service. As Daryl didn’t let anyone else coming close to him, the paramedics hadn’t been able to treat him. He hoped Michonne could help him to convince the boy of letting the paramedics do their work. He definitely needed it. Shortly after she arrived, Jenner told him to leave the boy and drive back to the police office. He promised Daryl to see him the other day and of course let him have that damn shirt. A few hours later Michonne called him drenched in tears. The boy had pretended to let a doctor overlook his injuries, but after they brought him into the hospital, he managed to disappear. He told Hershel all those details once, so of course he called him this morning.

“Do you think it’s him?”

Rick shrugged. He really had no idea.

“He might be. He looks older, but who knows what happened after he ran away. Back then he also looked and acted older than an 8-year old boy should be able to.”

“Let’s get him into the house, so we can clean him properly.”

“Are you sure? We don’t know if it’s him. And even if we did, we couldn’t tell if he might be dangerous. It’s been 10 years.”

“I’m aware of that, Rick. But this man needs help, don’t you think?”

Of course he does. So they carry him carefully to Hershel’s house and lay him on the guestroom’s bed. Rick is totally aware of the fact that a person of this height should weigh much more. When they strip the stranger to wash him, he is sure about him being Daryl. He has seen this special mixture of scars before. They faded over the past, but after all they still succeed in sickening even a cop. He wouldn’t admit, but he blunted due to his job. Not everything that used to freak him out could do that anymore to him. But some cruelties, like 14 children locked up in cages and abused in every unthinkable way, were too much to bear. Especially the boys, they had freed, seemed to consist of scars more than of skin. At court he learned all the disturbing details of what had happened to them. So did Hershel.

“You don’t have to do this. I think I know enough to patch him up.”

“You probably do. But I want to help.”

Rick nods, even if he doesn’t approve his friend’s decision. Though he has to admit, the old veterinarian is twice as quick as he is not only at cleaning the wounds, but also at bandaging Daryl. When Hershel finally tucks him in, he suddenly stirs. Before his eyes open fully, he raises his arms defensively and tries desperately to move away, until the wall at the bead-head stops him rather violently.

“Hey, easy man…”

Rick knows not to approach him further, so instead he talks to the almost hyperventilating man again.

“Daryl? It’s all right, calm down.”

The man on the bed freezes, his arms still aloft.

“You are Daryl, right? You might not remember me, but…”

“I do. You’re Rick.”


	3. Chapter 3

Silence fills the room for a few but long seconds. From the corner of his eye he can see Hershel stagger against the door, while he and Daryl stare at each other. He just hopes his old friend will be able to cope with the realization that this man was indeed one of the boys who was with Beth for her last months to live. Hershel never had the chance to get to know about his daughter’s fate in detail; even her corpse was in a too bad condition to lead the coroner to definite conclusions. And Hershel is not the only one with questions. But first of all they have to gain Daryl’s trust, so Rick tries to focus. 

“How are you feeling? We don’t think you broke something, but we’re no doctors.”

“’M fine. Just don’t know how I ended up here.”

Hershel seems to be in control over his emotions again, when he positions himself next to Rick and speaks: “I found you in my barn. Since I did recognize that uniform, I called Rick. I’m Hershel, by the way.”

At that revelation Daryl’s face turns white as a sheet. He nods, swallows and looks down at his blanket. “Where are my clothes?”

“I put them in the washing machine, but I’ve got some clothes that might fit you. Let me catch them for you.” 

It doesn’t escape the younger men, how fast Hershel flees the room and it doesn’t surprise Rick that Daryl obviously wants to follow suit. He still doesn't look up, when he asks: “It’s Hershel Greene, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s Beth’s father.”

“What about her sister and the rest of the family?”

Rick wonders once again how much Beth told Daryl about herself, how close they might have been. According to a very young Daryl they had been friends. Back then he hadn’t paid regard to his statement since he just had thought of him as a traumatized child, who would call anyone his friend that didn’t hurt him. However, the other kids didn’t have to tell much about their cell mates, if they talked at all. So there had to be a strong bond between the two. Rick feels Daryl watching, so he hurries to answer his question: “They don’t live here anymore. They went to Georgia a few years ago.”

“I can’t stay here.”

With that Daryl pushes himself to a sitting position, but crumbles in pain immediately. It’s a reflex movement of Rick to reach out for the hurt man and he realizes his mistake as soon as Daryl jerks away. 

“Sorry. I just wanted to help you.”   
Daryl nods, obviously ashamed, while he mumbles something that Rick identifies as ‘not your fault‘. 

“Look Daryl, I know this is awkward. But you are definitely not in shape to leave now. You’re not alone in this. Hershel is my friend. If you want me to stay here with you, he wouldn’t mind.”

“Just help me to get out, please.”

“That won’t happen. Look, I have no idea what happened to you, but I saw your injuries. You need to rest at least for a few days.”

“Nah, I had worse and was still out and about.” 

“Unless someone waits for your return, you have no reason not to stay.”

Daryl doesn’t respond at first, though he seems to reconsider Rick’s words. “Can you get my backpack then? I think it’s still in that barn.”

“Okay, I’ll have a look. Hershel must be back every minute with some clothes, so just wait here and try not to hurt yourself further, alright?”

With a nod Daryl seems to relax a bit, while he’s on his way out. It doesn’t surprise him though that the window of the guestroom opens almost immediately after he reached the outside to wait at the corner. When the first bare foot swings over the windowsill, Rick approaches the window and looks sternly at a very sheepish Daryl. 

“Get back to bed, man. We just want to help you, why won’t you let us?” 

Daryl doesn’t answer, but Rick sees how his eyes fill with water and how hard it is for him to breath. Something is clearly tearing him apart.

“You know, I tried to find you. After you ran away from that hospital, I spent weeks on the streets searching for that little brave boy.”

Daryl seems to choke on his last breath and asks bewildered: “What? Why?” 

“Because you needed help. I couldn’t find you then, but now I’m here. Let me help.”

“Why does it matter to you at all?”

“That’s just the kind of person I am. I do care. It’s the reason, why I joined the force.” 

With unease Daryl pulls back his leg and closes the window in the most quietly way. Although Rick is confident that he won’t try to leave again, he stands there for a few minutes.   
To his surprise there is a backpack in the barn, whose condition unsurprisingly isn’t any better than that of Daryl’s clothes.  
He wonders what might be hidden in the dark brown leather. It doesn’t weigh much, but something inside jangles gently at every step Rick makes back to the house. Before he can reach the door, his cell phone rings again. This time it’s Shane, his partner at the force. With a little smile he answers the call: “Do you miss me already?”

“You wish. Listen Rick, I don’t want to disturb your holidays, but something has happened last evening. You remember Carol, right?”

He does. It is a woman that barely survived her husband, before she changed her life drastically and started working half a day in the local shelter for battered women. They met from time to time, when some violent ex-partner tried to gain access to the supposed secret location.

“Sure. What’s wrong with her?” 

“She was attacked by three men whose identities are unknown by now. Another man saved her, but Carol is concerned about his well-being since those men were extremely violent.”

“Okay, but she is alright?”

“Yeah, she still stays in hospital for medical observation, though. Listen, we don’t’ have a clue, where to find this men, but we’re trying. Carol gave us a description, but she remembered her savior best, so search won’t be easy. I just wanted to ask you to talk to Hershel about this. Maybe he saw something or even better someone.”

“Hershel?”

“Oh, I forgot to say. The attack happened at the woods next to his property. Carol was jogging like every week, when those men came out of nowhere.”

This explains more than Rick could have asked for, so he promises Shane to talk to the old veterinarian and goes inside. Apparently he isn’t the only person who likes to help.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still struggling with the English language from time to time, so please let me know if somethings sucks ;)

Hershel asks him to wait in the kitchen with him. Since they only washed Daryl around his wounds, the man wanted to take a shower quickly before putting on the clothes Hershel gave him. Rick can’t help but check if he actually hears the swooshing water.

Hershel smiles knowingly and asks: “You think he’ll try to run away?”

“Well, he already did after you left.”

“So he figured out who I am.”

“Yes. Would you mind me staying for a few days? I want to leave neither him nor you right now.”

“I would appreciate that. Someone has to stop me from interrogating him or he will definitely flee again.”

They both look at the stairs when Daryl carefully tiptoes down the steps. Rick is surprised about the handsomeness of this man, now that he gets the chance to see more of him. He could get lost in those wary but beautiful eyes that are deep and blue like seawater crystals. Daryl’s cheekbones may be a bit too pronounced because of the starvation the young man obviously had to go through, but they’re pretty none the less. With Hershel asking Daryl to sit down and have something to eat, he feels guilty about his thoughts. Not because he still has problems admitting his homosexuality, but as it’s just inappropriate given their circumstances. So he tries to focus on the fact that Daryl might be able to tell him about the men that attacked Carol. First of all he gives the man his backpack, though. The little gesture makes the man smile and thank him hesitantly, while he clutches the old piece of leather.

“I shall say thanks from Carol, by the way.”

When Hershel doesn’t react, Daryl realizes that he was meant and looks inquiring at the policeman.

“It’s the woman you saved from those pricks.”

“I… ehm. How would you know?”

Rick doesn’t want to scare him away, so he omits everything which involves the police and just tells him: “We know each other. I was informed about the attack and where it took place, so I just worked out the rest.”

“Okay. How is she? Carol?”

“She’s fine. Still in the hospital, but only for observation.”

Daryl seems to be relieved with that, but still doesn’t look at Rick. Before he can ask him about details considering the men or the assault, Hershel puts the food on the table. It’s nothing fancy, Spaghetti Bolognese, but that doesn’t stop Daryl from eating three plates of it. As soon as he gets aware of the bright smiles the other men give him, the tips of his ears start to redden and he apologizes shyly.

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, son. I could have played the piano on your ribs, when I bandaged them. I’m happy that you didn’t lose your appetite.”

Daryl nods and asks almost inaudibly: “You still do it? Playing the piano?”

With Hershel’s eyes going wide, Rick realized just what the young man had said. But his old friend comes to terms with it better than expected.

“You two spoke a lot, didn’t you?”

He doesn’t have to point out who he’s talking about.

“Yeah. My cell… I was next to her. One night they didn’t bring me back after… They cooped me up into another cell. Then we couldn’t talk anymore.”

As silence fills the room, Daryl begins rummaging through his backpack and Rick finally sees what made that clanking sound when he fetched it from the barn. It is a little golden bracelet with pendants in the shapes of a cross, a butterfly and a sun. The old veterinarian’s gasp isn’t surprising to Rick, who of course did know every detail of Beth’s jewelry on the day of her disappearance. Daryl carefully reaches out to hand it over to Hershel.

“Guess she might have wanted you to get it back.”

With his hand over his mouth, Hershel starts to cry silently. He looks at the bracelet that Daryl still holds between his trembling fingers and shakes his head. Than he abruptly jumps to his feet and storms out so violently, that both Rick and Daryl are startled.

“Excuse him. This is tough. For both of you.”

“Sorry. I thought he would like to have it. It always helped me in a way or another.”

“He wants to have it back. He just needs some time. To be honest with you, I am surprised how well you cope with what happened. I mean, you were a kid and…”

“Stop it. You don’t know anything about me or what had happened. Just leave it be.”

As Daryl’s tone got quite aggressive, he tries another strategy: “Okay. One of the reasons, why Hershel never could let go, is the fact that no one could tell him, what had happened or not happened to his daughter.”

“Didn’t you find her?”

“We did. But too much time had passed, so the coroner could only tell that she was shot.”

Even before Daryl speaks, Rick knows that he is about to get answers. He isn’t sure if he should call Hershel back or hear it for himself at first. As Daryl starts to tell her story, he just stays put and listens.

“They didn’t do anything to her. Except that one time, but it was only a slap. She was special. One of those superrich buyers wanted her specifically, not just her type, but that girl. Guess he knew her already. He insisted that nobody would touch her till everything was prepared, whatever that meant. Dawn made sure of it, but one night one of the wardens wanted to teach her a lesson, so he came in her cell and slapped her. He tried to do more, but I was loud enough to draw the attention of the other wardens to the cells. They made him leave. I never saw him again after that night.”

Rick doesn’t need to know what exactly is hidden behind the word more, but he feels relieved. Daryl trying to save people – or at least girls and women – seems to be a pattern. He also remembers the corpse of a man they found close to Beth’s grave. Dawn wouldn’t say a single word after she was arrested, neither did the wardens. They had speculated that the 32-year old was once one of them, but they never knew for sure, since the kids did speak neither. Some of that kids survived that place just do get themselves killed a few years later by drugs, some just disappeared. Rick had always hoped that the ones he never heard of again were able to find their way back. He especially had hoped that for Daryl, since he always felt guilty for leaving the boy and enabling his elopement.

“Thank you for telling me this. Hershel will be happy to finally hear that. He was in court every day, so he knew what happened to…” Rick swallows the rest of the sentence as he notices again that he is speaking to one of those formally kids.

“So tell him. I gotta go now.”

“What? Where to?”

Daryl just shrugs, but is obviously determined to get out. He stands up and walks already through the kitchen door and into the corridor, when Rick reacts. Following him he grabs his arm at the same time as soft and resolute as possible. Of course it is the wrong move. Rick sees him turning around, his fist crashing into his face and almost blackens out. Tumbling back he lands on his ass and feels blood pooling out of his nose.

“Shit. Sorry, I… Just stop touching me!”

“Don’t leave, man. Don’t!”

Hershel comes down the stairs and looks at the younger men: “Should I bring the first-aid kit again?”

Rick just shakes his head, picks himself up and says: “No. But you need to stay. Daryl has to tell you something about Beth.”

He knows it is a dick move, although one could argue it is for Daryl’s best if he doesn’t leave. Maybe he isn’t hurt that bad but he is definitely in no good condition. And he’s still in so much mental pain. After all he can’t bear one single touch. So when Daryl follows the old veterinarian reluctantly into the living room, Rick sighs in relief.


	5. Chapter 5

Daryl speaks slower, when he tells the story again, and he seems to choose every word carefully. The policeman is astonished how thoughtful that young man can be. And he learns a few more details, since Hershel asks a lot of questions. The men get to know that Beth sang every night to comfort the other kids, which pissed the wardens of. It was the reason why one of them finally hit her. Maybe Daryl doesn’t realize that he saved her by making all that noise, maybe it’s just irrelevant for him. But it isn’t for Hershel and Rick sees that his friend also won’t let go of Daryl by now. They find out that Beth had to die because the buyer had tried to trick Dawn. Killing the girl was her revenge and the elimination of a troublemaker, who gave hope to the lost. When Daryl doesn’t say anything else they keep silent for a while until Hershel asks him another question: “How long have you been locked up, son?”

Since he doesn’t get a response, he tries again: “Why did you run away? What about your parents? They must have missed you so bad!” It probably sounds more accusing than it should and every muscle in Daryl’s haggard body tenses with those words. Rick thinks he is on the verge to leave again, so he finally reveals something he never told Hershel or anyone else, because he wasn’t sure about it being the truth: “Daryl. Are you Will Dixon’s son?”

He doesn’t say anything, though his physical reaction is answer enough. “I told you about how I tried to find you. I worked through the files of missing children, but your picture didn’t appear. So I searched for children that disappeared from their school or kindergarten without being called missing. There were so many kids, but only a few of them had your name. Some were too young, others clearly too old. I visited the families of those who had the right age, which I assumed to be in a range from 6 – 11. There was one boy whose family history seemed to fit – Daryl Dixon. His mother had committed suicide when said boy was 4 years old and his only brother disappeared at the same time with 17. When I drove to the father’s place, I finally understood why you ran away. You are Daryl Dixon, aren’t you?”

Rick prepared himself for any kind of reaction, but Daryl just stared at his feet. Then he mumbled: “Was six, when I run away. Made it to the city, because he always found me in the woods. Then there were that woman. Thought she was strange, but what did I know. Was hungry, so I came along with her. Was my own fault.”

“Don’t you ever think that! She exploited your situation. You didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

“I was stupid.”

“You were just a kid.”

Daryl starts pressing his palms against his bound rips unconsciously and Rick realizes how the pain seems to ground him.

“Daryl? Look at me, please.”

For a few seconds their eyes meet, before the young man looks away again. Rick wants to hug him so badly and show him just how everything’s gonna be alright.

“Please stop hurting yourself.”

With a frown Daryl lets go of his rips and speaks again: “I couldn’t go back. My father… he wasn’t much better than those men. I thought he would kill me for leaving. Stayed in the city for some time, but it wasn’t healthy. So I went back to the woods.”

Hershel watches the young man attentively. Rick sees that there are many more questions his friend would like to ask and so does he. Since Daryl started to dig his fingernails into his palms while he talked, they both know it has to wait.

“Listen, son. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. After you healed I might even have some work for you. I can’t pay you much, though you will have that guestroom and as much food as you can eat. And you don’t have to make a decision right now, just think about it.”

Daryl looks at Hershel like he’s insane for even considering this, but at least he stops piercing himself with his nails.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I recognize a good man when I see one. May I ask you to do me a favor?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I have to apologize for my reaction. Would you give me Beth’s bracelet again?”

“I left it on the table. Wanted to go and it never was mine, so…”

“It was yours since the day Beth gave it to you. But I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you bringing it back to her home.”

Silently all three of them go back to the kitchen, where Hershel cups his wrinkled hands around the bracelet. From the corner of his eye Rick sees Daryl leaning against the wall to stabilize himself. He turns to him in the exact moment the young man faints and crashes down to the floor. Rick can’t prevent his fall completely, but at least he manages to milden it. In the blink of an eye Hershel is at his side and it doesn’t take long before Daryl gets his consciousness back. Again he instantly pulls his knees towards his torso and raises his arms while Rick slowly draws back.

“Calm down, son, it’s just us again.”

“Sorry.”

“Everything is fine. Why don’t you take a break and lay down for a while? Like I said, the guestroom is all yours. Can you stand up?”

Nodding Daryl gets back to his unsteady feet. Rick gives him space but makes sure that the younger man won’t fall again. He accompanies him upstairs and into the room. The moment he wants to excuse himself, Daryl finally breaks their silence and rises to speak.

“Rick? Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course. As many as you like.”

“When did you raid Dawn’s place?”

At first he doesn’t understand, but as he realizes the implication of it he is stunned for a few seconds.

“It was the 8th of January in 2006. They had kept you for more than two years if I calculated it correctly.”

“I guess. It was late summer when I ran away. 2003. Time was never important. But after Dawn found me, it was just a blur. Even after I was free, time didn’t matter at all.”

Rick wants to tell him that he understands, although it would be a lie. He can’t even imagine how it feels to be taken out of the world for almost two and a half years without any connection to the outside.

“Do you need anything else?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Okay. Then try to get some more sleep or at least rest. I will be back in a few hours.”

Daryl nods and lowers himself onto the bed as Rick shuts the door silently. He assures himself that Hershel is good to leave and drives home to get his things for the spontaneous vacation at the old farm. He is positive that this will be rather hard work than a holiday and he is totally okay with it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay... I wasn't sure if I should post the next chapter without having a beta for my story... But for the people who read and liked it so far, I wanted to continue ;)

Rick’s mind is full of thoughts when he arrives back home. It is a small house he lives in and like most of the time he thinks it’s actually too big for only one person. And again he wonders where Daryl lives. Because there must be a place, where he settles down at least from time to time. His hair is long and his facial hair can’t decide between being a beard or stubble, but Daryl doesn’t look bedraggled like a homeless person. His clothes and also the malnutrition his body suffers from might resemble their appearance, but he still doubts that Daryl lives like a nomad. Rick was surprised about the way the young man talked to him and Hershel. As Daryl told him that he had gone back to the woods, the cop had assumed he would’ve been alone for years, but his voice didn’t sound as if he hadn’t spoken for a long time, although it was a bit rough. Suddenly his phone buzzes and Rick almost drops the shirts he tried to stuff in the already brimful bag. It’s Shane again and he could have known that his partner is too impatient to wait for him to call. Since he didn’t have the chance to talk to Daryl about the attack and doesn’t think that Hershel saw anything, he decides to phone him later. Instead he calls Michonne after he finished packing.

“What can I do for my favorite cop today?”

“Hey Michonne! I thought eh I think I need your help again.”

“So you did consider my offer?”

He didn’t. Michonne had left Child Service a few months after the incident with Daryl to study psychology and has worked the last years as a therapist. When she learned about Rick’s sexuality and his struggle to finally come out, she invited him to a free session, which he never really considered. She is just too good at reading him and of course she interprets his silence correctly: “Okay, so you didn’t. What else can I help with?”

“I need your advice. Let’s say someone isolated himself after a traumatizing experience and happens to meet people again… how do you get close without scaring him away?”

“You don’t want to tell me the whole story, do you? It would simplify the whole thing.”

“I’m not so sure about that. I know I can’t do your work, but I really want to help.”

“You remember that little girl you rescued from her father a few weeks ago? From what I heard you really did a good job with her, so trust your instincts. Give that somebody enough space to feel safe, but make sure to stay close enough to give him a hand if he allows it.”

“Okay, that’s what I am doing so far.”

Michonne obviously realizes his disappointment and tries to get some more information, but he doesn’t tell her the really important facts about said someone and hangs up after a little bit of small talk. He isn’t sure, why he holds back the truth. Maybe he is afraid of her getting as obsessive as he has always been about the whole case and probably still is. Maybe he is afraid that she will tell him to back down and let Daryl have the professional help he might need. His phone buzzes to inform him about a new text message from Shane, which he doesn’t care to read now. All he wants is to go back and be with Daryl.

The moment the farmhouse comes into view, he realizes that something is wrong. A car, no, Shane’s car is standing at the gateway, but the driver must already be in the house. Rick brakes sharply and almost flies into the building, from where he hears shouting. Shane stands in the corridor and holds his hand under his bleeding nose. Hershel’s face is wrath-red and his arms are raised. It is only then that Rick sees the small figure on the ground, which is wound-up to a ball behind Hershel and slightly shivering.

“SHANE. What did you do?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t do anything. Since you decided not to answer me, I wanted to talk to Hershel by myself after I called it a day at the station. I knew something was off, when I saw that backpack. I thought Hershel was threatened or something, so I wanted to go upstairs and have a look.”

“I told him just to back down, but he wouldn’t listen. I guess Daryl thought he was menacing me, so he came down to help.”

“Yeah, he fucking hit me in the face.”

Rick can imagine the whole situation and wishes he would have been there a few minutes earlier. Now all he’s able to do is some damage limitation: “Stop yelling, both of you. Shane, why don’t we have a talk outside?”

“Not until that prick shows me his ID card.”

“Shane… outside, now!”

He almost drags him out of the house, but he doesn’t even feel sorry.

“What the hell, man?”

“Hershel is my friend. How dare you to come to his house like this and scaring the shit out of… his guest?”

“Didn’t look scared when he hit me.”

“He was trying to protect Hershel. Did you hit him, too?”

“No. I wanted, but Hershel shoved him back so I couldn’t reach him. I may have said some not so nice things, but I didn’t give him a reason for collapsing all of a sudden. He was beaten up, though. What the fuck is going on here?”

“It’s Daryl.”

“Yeah, I heard his name. What’s the matter with him?”

“It’s that Daryl I lost ten years ago.”

“What? Wait, you mean it’s that boy from the kiddie-whorehouse?”

Rick almost punches his partner for that term and Shane senses it.

“Sorry, man. So it is him? How can you be sure?”

“Because he knows things. About Beth and about Dawn. He even recognized me.”

“Goddammit Rick, why didn’t you say something?”

“It’s complicated. He clearly has issues. You’ve seen it by yourself. But he is not a danger, at least only to those who deserve it.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.”

“You asked for it. So did those men who attacked Carol.”

“Wait. You mean he is her mysterious savior?” Shane scratches his head and continues: “I guess the description might fit.”

“He is the one. And no, he won’t make a statement. He can’t even prove his identity, as he has been living outside of the society for the last decade. We may be able to get some information, though. But not when you act like you did before. Just let me do the talk, all right?”

“Right.”

They find Hershel and Daryl in the living room and Rick takes a seat between them. The veterinarian glances sternly at Shane, who nods and places himself on the armchair, which is as far away from Daryl as possible. Before Rick finds the right words, the young man rises to speak, still looking down on his feet: “Am I in trouble? Didn’t know he was a cop…”

“It’s okay, man. You thought I’d hurt him, didn’t you? You really have a good hook for those lean arms of yours.”

Rick rolls his eyes about Shane’s last comment, even if he was surprised about the unexpected sensitiveness of his tone.

“Sorry.”

“Like Shane said, it’s okay. I guess he kind of deserved it for bursting in and scaring you like that. The reason he came here in the first place is the incident with Carol. He actually wanted to ask Hershel, if he had viewed something uncommon the last days, but I guess you could be more of a help, since you’ve seen those men. Can you remember how they looked like?”

Daryl frowns and bites his lip. He opens his mouth, though he doesn’t articulate a single word. After a few repeats he stands up and leaves the room. The remaining men stare at each other, unsure what to do and relieved when he finally comes back with a pencil and a thin sketch block that clearly had seen better days. He sits down on the floor and instantly starts drawing. After a couple of minutes in totally silence he gives the sheet over to Rick: “It’s not so good, but better than I am with words.”

Rick looks at the drawing with raised eyebrows and tells him: “Not good? Our composite sketch artists would go green for envy!” He shows it to Shane who looks just as surprised as he is. When his partner stands up to get a closer look, Daryl tenses up so violently that Rick jumps to his feet and positions himself between them, handing the drawing over to a slightly irritated Shane. “Isn’t that Pete? Pete Anderson? Leon and I arrested him a few times for domestic violence. Didn’t know the fucker was still around. I don’t recognize the other guys, but I’m sure our friend Pete will tell me who they are.”

“Good. But don’t forget that this is an anonymous tip. Maybe Carol can identify them after you found them.”

“So you’re not breaking off your vacation?”

“No, you got this.”

 

It takes a while until Daryl relaxes again, even after Shane had left. Hershel gives them some space and busies himself in the kitchen, so it’s only the two of them. Rick thinks of an innocent way to get him talking again, but he fails miserably. His question, how Daryl had learned to draw so well, leads them back into the darkest place of his childhood. Since the children didn’t have anything in their cells to play or occupy themselves with, he had tried to remember everything he liked and painted it in his mind. He mostly imagined the sun and the woods, but there was one person that once cared about him: his brother. He was afraid to lose his rarely existing memory of Merle, so he painted his portrait again and again in his imagination.

Rick sees how Daryl slowly drifts back into the years of abuse, because the more he tells him the harder he clenches his fists, which he presses firmly against his rips. He needs to stop him, so he asks another question that hopefully brings him back to the present: “I was wondering all the time… Do you have a place to stay? You must have slept somewhere.”

The young man looks at him with an unreadable expression. Then he nods. “Found an abandoned cabin in the woods. Waited a few days outside, but nobody came so I moved in.”

“If you want to get something from there I could drive you.”

He hesitates. Rick thinks that Daryl gets that wary look, when he holds back information.

“There isn’t much. And it’s not that far, so I could walk.”

“I’m here anyway.”

In the meantime Hershel was upstairs and comes back into the living room with an inquiring facial expression as he approaches Daryl: “Is something wrong with the bed?”

Daryl’s ears turn bright red as he straightens up and shakes his head. “Sorry, I’ll put it back.”

“It’s alright, son. If you rather sleep on the ground I won’t prevent you from doing it. I just hope the mattress is soft enough to not delay your healing.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Good.”

 

Their ways separated until it’s late evening. While Rick put his bag in Shawn’s room, Daryl spent some time in the guestroom without making any sound. Rick assumed that the younger man might sleep, but when he gently knocks on the door, he gets an immediate answer to it. He peeks into the room and finds him sitting cross-legged on the mattress, which he pulled into the corner across the door. Daryl holds some sheets of paper in his hands and his eyes are puffy as if he had cried.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just… I don’t know.”

Rick shuts the door behind him and sits down without coming closer.

“I guess it was an exhausting day for you. I’m really sorry about Shane, I should just have called him earlier…”

As Daryl shrugs Rick continues: “When I came back you were on the ground. Do you mind telling me what exactly happened? Since you already fainted today I’m a bit worried about you.”

“M fine. Sometimes it gets too much, then my brain just kind of passes out.”

“What did Shane say to you? Something must have triggered your collapse.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s stupid anyway.”

“It does matter. I don’t want that to happen again, so if I know the reason I might be able to prevent this.”

Daryl doesn’t seem to be convinced, but he mumbles: “Called me redneck trash. Guess it’s true, but that phrase… it was my label back then. Whoever wanted to hurt or to fuck redneck trash got me.”

Rick stares and he knows he does. It’s the bluntness of these words, the lack of emotion behind them that makes him speechless. He understands that this was and is part of Daryl’s survival strategy, that he had to put a distance between what happened to him and his life after the abuse, but he also knows how dangerous it is.

“I am truly sorry. Sorry about everything that happened to you. I can’t change the past – I wish I could – but if there is anything I can do now, just tell me.”

Daryl locks his eyes with Rick studying him for a second before he looks back to his feet.

“Hershel is preparing supper. If you’re not up to it, I could bring you a plate.”

“Nah, I’m coming. Just give me a second.”

When they meet in the kitchen a few minutes later Hershel is quite talkative. He tells them every detail about his plans for the farm, but Rick doesn’t listen properly. Even Daryl seems to be more attentive than he is and considering their last topic of conversation he really feels guilty for that. He can’t help it, though. His thoughts bounce back and forth, from an eight-year old boy to an adult, who changes his protector instinct against an almost infantile, shy behavior and vice versa within minutes. An adult without any kind of social life or support, who maybe isn’t able to miss it, because he never got to know it in the first place. The policeman wonders when Daryl was touched the last time in a non-abusive way.


	7. Chapter 7

Rick suddenly awakes in the deep of the night and wonders why he did so, when he notes a muffled cry. He’s on his feet in an instant and tiptoes out of the room. Since he assumes to know where the sound came from, he waits at the guestroom’s threshold until he hears Daryl’s voice again. He opens the door and switches the light on, because he doesn’t want to scare him furthermore. Waking up from a nightmare and realizing that you’re not alone without seeing who is there is nothing he would wish anybody to experience. After his eyes have adjusted to the blinding light he sees Daryl’s figure crouched down on the mattress, shivering and kicking, while he sobs and cries out desperately. Rick comes as close as he dares and tries to wake him through his voice, but doesn’t succeed. He knows he will regret it, but he doesn’t want Daryl to suffer any longer, so he touches him slightly on the shoulder. The young man gets still, tears his eyes open wide and jumps on him. Rick feels callused hands at his throat, but Daryl doesn’t choke him. Instead he blinks and recoils until his back hits the wall violently. He almost falls down on the mattress and stares at Rick with eyes full of terror.

“I heard you screaming. Thought I better wake you up. I’m sorry if I overstepped some boundaries. Daryl?”

He doesn’t react, but his whole body trembles while he crosses his arms in front of his torso, hugging himself in a weird embrace. Rick’s still close enough to see goosebumps all over his naked arms.

“You must be really cold. Why don’t you wrap that blanket around you?”

As he doesn’t receive an answer, Rick picks the blanket up, which must have been kicked from the mattress during the nightmare, and leans forward to give it to Daryl. He sighs and prepares himself for getting punched, when he tries to cover him. As the young man is absolutely lethargic, the blanket falls down from his shoulders within a second. Rick touches him again, this time without gaining any reaction, so he moves him gently back into a lying position and finally tucks him in. When Daryl stops shivering after an hour, he tries to get some sleep on the floor next to the mattress.

 

The next morning starts with the feeling of being knocked over by a car. Rick opens his eyes and tries to stretch his limbs, while he almost gets tangled up in a blanket. He isn’t surprised about waking up alone and for a moment he is too occupied with his own hurting body anyway. As he is only 33 years old, he should be able to sleep one night on the floor without needing a doctor the next day. He rises to unsteady feet and leaves the blanket on the mattress, before he enters his room to put fresh clothes on. Hershel left a note in the kitchen that he went to look after an injured cat at the Lennon household and will stop by at the grocery store on his way back. Hershel has been retired for more than eight years, but some of his neighbors won’t ever let go of the veterinarian. Rick refuses to eat breakfast alone and instead leaves the house, where he finds Daryl sitting on the porch.

“Good morning.”

A small nod greets him.

“Were you able to get some sleep last night? I mean, after that nightmare?”

Daryl nods again. He seems to have something on his mind, so Rick waits patiently for him to speak. Fortunately it doesn’t take too long. “Sorry for waking you up. For attacking you. And for making you stay like that.”

It all comes out in a rush and Rick has to stop himself from smiling, because it really is inappropriate to think about how cute the young man is in all his insecurity, while he clearly struggles with the apology.

“Hey, everything is alright. And you didn’t make me. It was my decision. Thanks for the blanket, by the way. Next time I might consider bringing another mattress, though.” After a pause he adds: „Do you think there will be a next time?”

As Daryl shrugs Rick tries another tactic: “Two years ago I was shot in the chest – I was lucky I didn’t die. After I got back to work everyone seemed to be overprotective and I didn’t understand what the fuss was all about. Then there was another shooting I was involved at the force. After that the nightmares came.”

“You really think that was my first nightmare last night?”

“No. I am wondering how you coped with them all the time by yourself.”

And there again is that wary look in Daryl’s eyes, while he presses his knuckles against his thighs. His pants seem to stick on them, which is odd as they are really wide. Rick doesn’t know if he really scents the smell of blood, but he surely gets an idea how Daryl coped at least with his last nightmare.

“Daryl? What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you cut yourself?”

Of course he doesn’t answer, but his ears redden visible, while he tries not to look at his thighs.

“You really shouldn’t do that. It’s dangerous and you’ve been hurt enough, don’t you think?”

“Just needed to get out of my head, okay. Leave it be.”

He stands up and tries to leave the porch, but Rick thwarts him easily.

“Don’t run away. You don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But at least let me bandage it.”

Rick doesn’t touch him, although he holds his arms like a traffic policeman who rules the right of way so Daryl has only one way to go – into the house.

“Hershel doesn’t have to know. I won’t tell him if you let me take care of you.”

“You think he’ll boot me out?”

“No. I just thought you’d like your privacy. Come on.”

With every bit of authority he can find in himself, he manages to get the younger man into the bathroom, but when he asks him to put his pants down, Daryl’s breath quickens and he is clearly ready to bolt.

“Last night we both only wore boxers and t-shirts. You know that I won’t hurt you. Just let me clear the wound and patch it up.”

Some minutes pass without speaking, before Daryl finally unzips his pants and shoves it down. He starts trembling immediately and Rick has to make him sit on the toilet lid. It’s not only one cut he has to tend to and all of them are deep. Deep enough that they should probably be stitched up, but considering all the old and fresh scars on Daryl’s thighs, some of them barely healed, he doesn’t bring it up. He wonders why he hasn’t seen them before. When Hershel and he took care of Daryl they might have been too busy with his bruised rips and although they stripped him down to his underwear missing them was probably not so uncommon, especially as it came along with the realization, who the injured man was. And the last night was just too hectic for him to be attentive. So Rick makes a silent promise to be more observant from now on.

He only touches Daryl when it’s absolutely necessary and every time he does he feels his muscles tense up and his breathing stop. When he’s done he keeps kneeling in front of the younger man and tries to make eye contact. As he succeeds for a moment he says: “Next time you want to do that, you come to me. It doesn’t matter, which time is it or what I am doing, you just come to me.”

Daryl frowns and shakes his head, while he jumps to his feet and pulls his pants up again. “Nothing you can do about it.”

“We’ll see about that.” Rick’s voice is firmer than he likes, so he adds softly: “Just let me try.”

The sound of Hershel’s truck interrupts them and Daryl seems to be relieved. He hurries into the guestroom whereas the policeman goes downstairs and talks to Hershel. He knows it’s all too much for the younger man, so he wants to give him some space for now.

A few hours later he is worried, though. When he knocks on the door, there’s no answer or even a sound coming from the room.

“Daryl? Hershel wanted to talk to you.”

It’s not a lie. He knows that his friend would be patient enough to wait till supper, but he isn’t. The way Daryl hides in the guestroom is making him uncomfortable, especially after what he saw earlier.

“Please, answer me. Even if you won’t come out.”

He waits a few more minutes, until he is almost sure that no one is in the room at all.

And he’s right. He finds the window open and a hardly readable notice from Daryl: “B bak.”

Of course he understands immediately what those letters mean, but the realization that someone who disappeared from family and institutions with 6 might never have learned to read, let alone write, takes its time.

Shane calls after supper and tells him that Pete already spilled the beans about his companions, who – of course – were the ones, who planned to attack that poor woman. A quarter of an hour later said poor woman phones him to ask how Daryl is and if she could meet him at Hershel’s farm. So after another few minutes Rick sends Shane a message about how the fuck could he tell Carol about Daryl. At least the hours go by pretty quickly until Daryl finally approaches the house. He looks a lot of calmer and his backpack is quite full, so Rick dares to think positive again. Both men step into the kitchen, where Rick gestures him to take a seat and puts a plate with food in front of him, since Hershel already went to bed. He watches him eating up and notices a few hairs on his sleeve that clearly don’t have a human origin and are way too thick to be from a cat.

“Do you have a dog?”

Daryl looks at him warily.

“You could have brought him with you. Hershel wouldn’t mind, he has always loved dogs, you know.”

After a few minutes Daryl mumbles almost inaudibly: “He’s not mine.”

“Okay. Whose is he?”

“Found him in one of the traps once. Was in a bad condition, so I took care of him. He stays from time to time, and then he disappears for days. He always comes back, though.”

Rick can imagine how those two fit together perfectly and he’s kind of relieved that the young man at least wasn’t that alone all the time.

“Did you give him a name?”

“Yeah, sure. Called him asskicker.”

The policeman can’t hold a laugh, but Daryl gives him a tiny smile, too, so it doesn’t bother him.

“Is Hershel mad?”

“No. He totally understood – I guess he did better than me. Listen, I’m pretty tired and will go to sleep now. Do you need anything?”

He shakes his head.

“Do you want me to sleep in your room? I could wake you, if you…”

“No!”

Daryl’s answer is quite hostile, so Rick draws back.

“Okay. Just remember: You don’t have to hurt yourself. There are other, better ways to cope with a trauma and I’m still willing to help.”

While the younger man stares at him in disbelief, Rick wishes him a good night and leaves the kitchen.


	8. Chapter 8

It could have been a really good day. It actually was a good day until he came back to Hershel’s farm and found out that Daryl was gone. After a fight with the veterinarian Rick left his property determined to find the young man. It turned out to be more difficult than he had thought. But he can’t stop his search and he won’t – not after he has already stumbled through the woods for hours.

Hershel had told him about the drawings he found in the guestroom, which mostly consisted of sketches of Beth, Hershel and the farm. The problem was that those pictures showed not only the farm at its state right now, but also how it looked like a few years ago. The same applied to the pictures of Hershel. One of the drawings must have been at least five or six years old, because the man’s beard and hair started to grow at that time, while he was clean-shaven and shorthaired before. In his anger about Daryl holding back the fact how long he had actually been around, Hershel made him leave. He understands how betrayed Hershel must have felt at that realization, especially considering that Daryl knew so much more about Beth’s fate – a knowledge he kept to himself through all these years. But Daryl couldn’t have guessed that and Rick feels certain that the young man had had good reasons for not revealing himself. With anger about Hershel’s overreaction and self-reproaches about him being so long away from the farm to meet Carol, he almost trips over a root and realizes he came across it before. Sighing he takes a break and sits down on a stump. Losing Daryl again is not a possibility. Of course it’s stupid for him to fall for a traumatized, barely social but yet adaptive man in no more than two days. A man, who might have no interest at all in having a relationship, let alone sexual encounters with another man.

He isn’t able to let him go, though. Even if there will never be more than a friendship or at least a loose bond between them – he just can’t bear the thought of Daryl being all alone again. With that consideration he stands up and goes deeper into the woods. If Daryl was able to get to his cabin by feet, he must be able to get there, too.

When he finally succeeds, the sun is almost down. The door is open and two pairs of eyes watch him from the inside.

“Daryl?”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I’m sorry. Please, just go.”

“I won’t. Listen man, I don’t know what Hershel told you, but…”

“Doesn’t matter. And he’s right anyway. Please tell him I’m sorry.”

“Daryl.”

Rick’s at a loss for words. He still stands at the door sill and doesn’t move or speak for a long time, when he hears Daryl whispering: “After I left the city, I didn’t know where to go. Couldn’t go back to the woods where I lived as a child, because I was still afraid of my father. The only place I knew was Beth’s home. She told me everything about it and asked me to come with her, when we were free. She really believed that. But I was a coward. The moment I saw the farm I couldn’t move. Stayed around, though. Drew those pictures on the sketch block I found in the cabin. One day I wanted to approach Hershel, but it was too late, so I went back home.”

Since he didn’t want to scare him away, Rick didn’t come closer. Instead he sat down on the threshold and listened to the quiet words until Daryl fell silent.

“What do you mean by it was too late?”

“He wasn’t the person Beth had described. I saw him drunk when he was yelling at a boy – it must have been Shawn. He didn’t hit him, but… I don’t know, I just left and never got to close again.”

Rick understands him totally, as a similar assumption had already crossed his mind while he searched for Daryl. The man – at that time a boy – just couldn’t lose the image Beth words had painted in his mind, that last spark of hope in the dark place Daryl always had to live in. And with Will Dixon as a father he of course recognized an angry, drunk man when he saw one.

“Can I come in?”

“You shouldn’t. I’m a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth.”

Rick doesn’t hesitate any longer and approaches him. Daryl has to soothe his dog, since he starts to growl immediately. There’s so much tenderness in the way the young man treats Asskicker that Rick just wants to hug both of them. Instead he lowers himself on the ground, where the two sit cuddled into another on a mattress.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. If you had had the time to tell Hershel what you told me, he would have understood.”

“How? I don’t understand it myself.”

“From what I learned about the Greene family, I’m sure Beth pictured it like paradise, didn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

“You were afraid, Daryl. Afraid that this paradise was just a dream, another lie. And of course you were scared of Hershel. Your father abused you. Your experience with drunken men made you run. It was the only way you knew to defense yourself.”

Silence fills the room. Rick knows Daryl is crying, even if he doesn’t make one single sound. His shoulders are shivering badly and after a few moments the dog starts licking his face. It almost breaks Rick’s heart, seeing the only way the young man can bear to be comforted. Since it’s getting darker and the policeman is certain that Daryl won’t leave the cabin, he asks him if he could stay for the night. He doesn’t receive an answer, but after a couple of minutes Daryl makes some space for him on the mattress.

It is a long, exhausting night as Daryl has one nightmare after another and Rick refuses to leave his side. He doesn’t try to touch him, but to sooth him through his voice. It doesn’t work most of the times, though. Asskicker watches over him and gives the man some kind of comfort when he wakes up screaming. After dawn Daryl seems to be able to sleep more peacefully and Rick watches him relieved, until he notices the dark stains on his jeans. Apparently the young man had cut himself again. He really could have guessed that, but he didn’t. Daryl wakes up the minute Asskicker leaves the cabin and looks at him irritated.

“Didn’t think you would stay. Some nights are worse than others.”

“Of course I did. How could I when you had such an awful night. I guess the incident with Hershel brought back a lot of bad memories, didn’t it?”

“Didn’t have to. It’s always there anyway.”

With Asskicker’s return Daryl stands up and puts some meat in the bowl on the ground, which the dog obviously appreciates. The young man smiles while he pets him and murmurs: “Yeah, Asskicker, that’s what you like, ain’t it.”

Turning to Rick he says: “Sorry, I don’t have anything for breakfast here.”

“Where did you get the meat from? Not that I want to eat it…”

“Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t like squirrel that much. I hunt. Found a crossbow and some bolts in the cabin. At first I didn’t catch anything with it, but it got better after a while.”

“How did you learn?”

Daryl points at a rack with some books: “Trial and error – those helped.”

“Okay, so where did you learn to read? I mean...”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I never learned it and I’m not good at it. It takes a lot of time, but with some pictures it works.”

“You’re astonishing, do you know that?”

Daryl looks at him with disgust, shakes his head and leaves the cabin “for a piss”.

Something set him off, but Rick can’t figure it out. After he came back the policeman goes all out: “I know Hershel made a mistake but I’m sure he regrets it. Why don’t you come back with me to the farm?”

“His mistake was to invite me into his house, that’s all I have to say.”

“Daryl, please.”

“No. I don’t need the old man to tell me what a disappointment I am, because I know that already.”

“He was wrong. And so are you if you believe that. You’re not a disappointment. I told you, you were scared and you had every right to be.”

Asskicker senses his distress and nudges into Daryl’s legs.

“I could talk to Hershel first and then…”

“Stop it. I won’t go back. I’ve been there too long anyway.”

“You did it again. You cut yourself. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Don’t be – it’s none of your business.“

“I want it to be my business.”

Daryl’s eyes darken visibly and his voice is full of anger, when he yells: “Yeah? Why? Because you don’t like to fuck somebody with scars? I have those already all over my body, doesn’t matter if I get some more.”

“Daryl, I…”

“No. Don’t you dare to lie at me. I’ve seen the way you look at me. I’ve seen looks like this before and they never brought anything good. And all those lies about me astonishing you? I know why you say that bullshit. I know.”

Rick feels like he was punched. He had been so subtle with all these little glances at the younger man, at least that was what he thought. Apparently he wasn’t. But Daryl’s conclusion is wrong nevertheless. He can imagine to which scum of men he was referred and that really makes him sad. But he shouldn’t blame Daryl, since this is the main experience he had with people so far. He has to be honest now or he will never get the chance again, so he speaks with a slight tremble in his voice: “You’re angry and I get that, but let me explain. I had no idea that it was this obvious, but you are right with one thing: I like you more than I told you. I am gay, I’ve always been. And I do find you attractive. But that doesn’t mean I’m helping you because I expect something from you. I was afraid you could get a false impression of me and my actions if I told you, so I didn’t say anything before. Of course, now I wished I had. I am sorry, Daryl. I just didn’t want you to feel cornered. And everything I said? I meant it. I fell in love with you, but I do accept a no. And I would still love to become a friend of yours and I won’t have any ulterior motive or hurt you.”

When Rick ends his confession he waits unavailingly for the ground to open up and swallow him. He glances at Daryl who eyes him in total confusion. After too long minutes the young man comes closer, only to grab behind the policeman. With the crossbow in his arm and Asskicker in tow he leaves the cabin. Perplexed, Rick stays right in place and hears both of them disappear into the woods.


End file.
